I have been working so hard at not falling victim to the stigma attached with mental illness. I am so strong for the most part. Mainly because up until last year I could talk about my issue in past tense and had a story of "recovery". However since this last year having to deal with my illness again and in a pretty big way, I am again seeing that stigma following me around like a shadow. Not always in words but in other ways.
I will never get rid of this. The final straw was a few days ago when talking with an old friend. Someone with similar struggles. Someone I had to literally take to the hospital when she was breaking down and someone who after reading about it, truly felt like she might fit the profile of a person struggling with BPD, better know as Borderline Personality Disorder. Now BPD is 100% curable and one of the only mental illnesses that is and not just controlled with medication. When my friend talked to her doctor/therapist about her wonder of whether she fit that criteria, the therapist said that she might but that she would never want that label. She claimed it was a horrible label to have. If even the professionals in this field are falling to and encouraging us to avoid labels, labels that could potentially give us the proper care, what does that mean to us??
Will this EVER leave me again? Probably not. I start to think so when I have good days but lately I have been struggling. The tumor in my pituitary gland is causing hypothyroidism amongst other medical issues which now are effecting the combination of meds that were finally working. I am sick alot physically and now fearing a breakdown again.
The good friends that I have found here are the only thing keeping me here now. I want so badly to move somewhere where no one knows of my baggage of my past or my present. Is this fair? Do we look at heart patients differently? How about diabetics? I cannot ever foster children regardless of how long I have been stable or even with a doctors' recommendation. I cannot ever provide respite care. I feel labeled and restricted as though I am a felon because of an illness that was started primarily by my being a VICTIM of a felon. Meanwhile that felon walks a normal life because I chose NOT to pursue legal action as I was not able to deal with it at at that time.
Tonight I will pray that God will reveal his plan for me in a way that will be less painful and shameful....whether its fair or not...painful or not.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
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Christine you are so brave to come out and speak for those that are too scared to speak for themselves (the stigma). I do get so tired of it and it runs me down literally. People can grasp the idea that your mind can be sick just like your body (throat, ears, etc). THAT is what blows my mind. No pun intended.
ReplyDeleteLove you